A Child's Perception

I recently had a conversation with a child about a social interaction with a family friend.  The child truly enjoys interacting with this friend BUT a simple misunderstanding between them led to child to say "I'm not talking to [family friend's name] anymore!"  I just HAD to dig into this one!  We talked for a bit, a really insightful conversation, which is unique in this field of work.  Many children I support are still developing the communication skills to be able to hold these conversations with their trusted adults.  I'm so glad we were able to discuss this event and problem solve together in order to repair the unintentionally damaged relationship.

The family friend jokingly said that the child was like a "baby."  Not knowing whether this was a case of bullying, playfully picking on the child, or just a misunderstanding, I probed for more information.  It turns out that the family friend referenced some challenges related to feeding.  These challenges, based on my interactions with the child, are rooted in sensory aversions and anxious thoughts, something the friend hadn't considered.  The child and I started to talk about each person's perspective.  We developed a plan for how the child could understand the perspective of the family friend and then respectfully advocate for their own perspective.  As an example, a question I posed to the child was "What is something you don't like to eat?" (mashed potatoes) and "Why do you feel that way?" (if feels yucky in the mouth/makes them feel sick). Then I posed the questions,  "What is something your friend doesn't like to eat?" and "Why do you think they don't like it?"  Role playing this interaction gave the child a way to have the same conversation with their friend in order to help the friend understand their perspective, rather than teasing them which led to the damaged relationship.   

As a therapist (or parent) maybe you've found yourself questioning some of your child's behaviors?  This was a really good example of how you can collaborate with the child to find therapeutic solutions.  I encourage you to move forward in your practice by giving children the benefit of the doubt, including them in the problem solving process, and I think you will be pleasantly surprised by the outcome!